


she's a summer storm but I'm a hurricane

by Willowisdarkagain



Category: Holby City
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bernie never does what she's told, Canon Divergence, Elinor Lives, F/F, Morven/Bernie friendship, Serena is Bernie's boss, same place different time, younger Bernie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-05 23:31:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11588421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowisdarkagain/pseuds/Willowisdarkagain
Summary: Bernie is an F2 in her late twenties and Serena is in her early forties, she just got her promotion as Head of the AAU. This story is about what could have had happened if they were, in fact, not equals





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to TwoBeatsAtOne for patiently proofing this work:)

All the blips and red lights in the operating room were on. The patient had a massive internal bleeding. He was dying and the only thing keeping him alive was Doctor Digby massaging his heart. Another F2 was quickly checking his stomach trying to find the origin of the bleed. A blonde lock had found its way down her neck. She’s sweating and swearing but her hands were moving fast and sure.  
"Step aside," a firm voice commanded but Bernie was too focused to listen.  
"I said move away!" Serena shouted and everybody in the room stopped and stared at Bernie.  
"I’m almost there. I can do it." Her eyes fixed on the patient. "There! I just need to close it up." She looked at the nurse but he wasn’t moving, so she grabbed what she needed herself.  
The room stayed quiet until she had sutured the hole and the patient’s heart started beating again. Nobody daring to look at Serena.  
"Miss Wolfe, Doctor Digby can finish here. You can wait for me in my office."  
Bernie stepped back and looked at her boss. "Of course Miss Campbell."

By the time Serena arrived in her office, Bernie had walked up and down the room a thousand times. Feeling trapped in a cage for saving a man’s life, as soon as she saw the other woman she started speaking. "I’ve done nothing wrong. It’s my job to.."  
"Shut up and sit down!"  
Bernie reached for the closest chair and fell on it like a spoiled adolescent.  
"Your job here is to learn. If your supervisor orders you to step back you do it." Serena breathed deeply trying to regain calm. "Your behavior was unacceptable. You are forbidden to step in theatre for a week."  
"But.."  
"Two weeks."  
Bernie’s hands tightened in a fist. "Alright. Am I dismissed, Miss Campbell?"  
"Yes you are."  
But Bernie can’t hold her tongue and, already halfway out of the door, she said as quietly as she could. "You know I did the right thing and you didn’t try to stop me for the wellness of the patient but because you are scared they’re gonna take your job at the first missed step."  
And she was gone before Serena could add to her punishment. 

When the day was finally over Serena decided to leave her car at the hospital and walk home. She needed to think and couldn’t do that with Edward drinking one beer after another on the couch. She couldn’t stand him anymore. It was a truth she had admitted to herself a while ago but something more important always came up. A problem with Elinor, her new job, another problem with Elinor. There was never a good time to think about divorce. The rest of her life always took over. And now God had inflicted on her a young and presumptuous doctor. Bernie was capable, too capable for her own good. She had left the military and had accepted a position that was obviously below her. Bernie was probably regretting her decision but Serena had no intention to be the one paying for Bernie’s frustrations. She already had too much on her plate. Bernie had been right, Serena was indeed scared of being fired. Her promotion was just temporary. They were looking for someone better than her and then… She didn’t want to think about it. Her job was the only thing she was good at, apparently. Not a good wife, not a good mother but a damn good surgeon.  
Was the same for Bernie? She was recently married, sure young love would beat alcoholic husband anytime. Yet Bernie always looked angry or unsatisfied. Her peers feared her and her superiors tried to avoid her. She lacked humility. But, she would have never told her this, why being humble if you could be great? Serena shook her head and tried to think of something else. Someone else.  
Then a blonde messy ponytail passed her swiftly and a labored voice cried "Sorry boss!"  
It took her a moment to recognize Bernie all dress up in running clothes. She was going very fast and Serena stood there in admiration. She could have never ran like that, even fifteen years priors. And she never had those long legs or that slender body. Bernie was thin but muscular at the same time, Serena could clearly see her biceps femoris contracting at every step even thirty yards away. Serena couldn’t tear her eyes away. Bernie was just stunning. In an anatomic and academic way, of course, Serena resumed her walk as soon as Bernie disappeared behind a corner. Was her husband half as handsome as her? Where that question was coming from, she chastised herself. She had her own husband to worry about, let alone anybody else’s.  
When she was almost home she heard someone calling her. Bernie was stretching on a bench in a little green area close to the road. Once Serena reached her Bernie smiled slightly.  
"Miss Campbell, I wanted to tell you I’m sorry for what I said earlier." It seemed she wanted to add something but thought better of it.  
"Ok. But the two weeks are still on."  
"I know." Bernie’s face was flushed and her skin was glistening. Serena couldn’t tear her eyes away. The silence was beginning to go on too much and she felt the need to say something, anything.  
"I live nearby."  
"I know, that’s why I changed my usual route."  
“A bit of a stalker, are we?”  
“No, I just..”  
Serena nodded curtly. “I’ll go now then."  
"Have a nice evening."  
"You too!" said Serena already back on the road. She scolded herself for how poorly she had managed this conversation. What was she thinking? Glistening skin? Flushed face? Was she going mad? Was a middle age thing? She was 43, hardly a middle aged. 

The next two weeks were hard on Bernie. She lived for surgery. She had no bedside manner. She was born with a scalpel glued to her hand. She came to work with a dark cloud over her head. Everybody ran at her sight, except Morven who was always inexplicably cheerful and insistent in making her smile at least once a day. Serena talked to her only when strictly necessary and she couldn’t phantom why. She wasn’t good with people as she was constantly reminded by Marcus, her mother, her coworkers and every person she has ever been in contact with, but she had thought that saying she was sorry would have been enough. In the army everything was simpler, people wouldn’t hold a grudge if she didn’t cuddle their ego all day long. Like Marcus who pretended to like her until they got married and suddenly she was too cold for him. She needed to change and become a completely different person to fit his ideal of a good wife. But she wasn’t a good wife, she was a good surgeon who couldn’t operate. She was resentful and irritated at home as much as at work. And running marathons every night wasn’t a solution.

Whenever she could she watched other doctors operate. It’s the next best thing even though watching and not doing anything was hard sometimes, especially when it came to some mediocre surgeons. In the end the only one worth observing behind a glass was Serena. She’s firm and delicate, she looked like she could do anything with ease. She’s focused and calm, she could go by the book as much as improvise when needed. Bernie had found herself more than once repeating Serena gestures with her hands in the air. And thinking that maybe, maybe, she could learn from this one. But then her pager goes off and she has to attend some silly stomachache caused by too much ice cream.

The first day that her suspension was over she got to the hospital early. She’d bought two coffees without thinking too much of it and aimed directly to Serena’s office planning on waiting for her. But Serena was already there, head down in documents. She was biting nervously her pen and maybe it was that image of unexpected vulnerability that made Bernie stop, coffees burning in both hands. She stared at the woman, studying every tiny movement, and gradually her breathing got slower. She could feel her shoulders relaxing, her mind reaching a state of calmness like she hasn’t had in a long time. Serena’s attentive eyes and that little frown between them, her straight nose and her lower lips slightly bent around the pen, everything that was Serena’s was placating Bernie. And even when desire washed over her, her heart didn’t miss a beat. Bernie was used to this. Being attracted to women was nothing more than a bodily reaction. She could ran for miles, stand hours in theatre, she could control her body and as easily ignore its needs.  
She knocked at the door and waited for an answer. Serena smiled distractedly at her.  
"Oh good morning. Early birds and all that?"  
"Yes. My first day back in theatre." She handed over the coffee and Serena looked at it suspiciously. "I didn’t spit in it."  
"That’s… reassuring." She paused to look at a paper on her desk. "Yes well, you have an appendicectomy at 5pm."  
"That’s it?" Bernie disappointment was all over her face.  
"I’m sorry people don’t get more seriously ill or injured for your benefit. But _c’est la vie_."  
"Yes well _j’ai une vie de merde par ta faute!_ ” Bernie said leaving the room.  
"I speak enough french to understand merde!" But the door was already closed.

Bernie wasn’t calm anymore but she wasn’t about to say no to the appendicectomy. She was starving for surgery. 

Serena had avoided Bernie as much as was possible since the meeting at the park. She felt uncomfortable when she was with her. Bernie seemed to hate her in the ward and then spent hours watching her in theatre. She felt under scrutiny. It wasn’t Serena judging Bernie but the other way around. And then the memory of her that day had hunted her. It had been unexpected, new, she was incapable to get rid of it as hard as she tried. She worried that she couldn't be objective with her anymore. But what could she do? Send her away? Tell Hanssen that she couldn’t stop thinking of Bernie’s body? Of her drive? Her self-confidence? That would be quite the conversation. She gave her one surgery the first day and try not to dwell too much on it.

At five o’clock everything was ready in the operating theatre. Serena told Bernie she could do it on her own and that she was there to observe. But since the first cut she started to observe loudly.  
"Why don’t you cut a bit more."  
"I don’t need more space."  
And after that everything Bernie did was too short or too long, too loose or too tight. One scalpel was too big, the other too narrow. Bernie was beginning to lose focus.  
"For God’s sake Miss Campbell, I know what I’m doing."  
"Thinking you know something is different from actually knowing something. And you missed a suture there."  
"I’ll miss the whole intestine if you keep bugging me."  
"Miss Wolfe!"  
"What!" Bernie screamed. "It’s a fucking appendicectomy, I could do it blinded!"  
"Get out of my theatre." Serena’s voice was very low and Bernie could feel her eyes burning her scalp. She stilled for a moment and then slowly passed her scalpel to a nurse. She cleaned her hands on her scrub and left the room.

After the surgery was completed Serena send a nurse to call Bernie. But no one had seen her since. Her mobile was disconnected and her shift was nearly over anyway. Serena reluctantly got back to work. At ten o’clock she finally finished her paperwork. The ward was quiet, the night shift had begun and most patients were sleeping. She went to the locker room to get her stuff and when she entered the room she heard a noise from the bathroom. She collected her coat and purse and was about to leave when a doubt caught her. She opened and closed the door and waited. After a minute Bernie appeared from the bathroom.  
"So that’s where surgeons hide."  
Bernie jumped a little but recovered immediately.  
"Or it’s just a locker room." She couldn’t admit her cowardice.  
"I’ve been looking for you all evening."  
"Here I am, boss." She straightened up mimicking a military manner.  
"You know that attitude won’t help your career."  
"So I do still have one. Such a relief, Miss."  
Serena put down her things and got closer to her. Bernie took a step back preparing to be screamed at. But Serena looked just tired. "You could be so good and you’re ruining everything. Why?"  
"I.." Bernie closed her eyes. Softened by the compliment but then immediately angered by her weakness. "I don’t know. This is me. This is who I am. I can’t change. I can’t be nice, I can’t pretend I’m dumber than I am just to please people."  
"You can’t run a hospital by yourself. This people you’re talking about, you need them to be by your side."  
"Just tell me my punishment and let’s be over with it."  
Serena had thought she was getting somewhere, finally. She was so disappointed. And Bernie saw that look, she’d seen it so many time. At home, at work, at school. She couldn’t bear it anymore, she just wanted to explode and take everything with her.  
"What will be this time? Three weeks? Four? Or a good old spank on my supervisor’s knee?"  
Serena opened her mouth, unprepared for this outburst, but couldn’t find anything to say.  
"Wouldn’t that be good? Maybe at the nurse station so everybody can watch. That would finally humble me, right? I could even enjoyed it." She noticed the look on Serena’s face, "Wouldn’t you?"  
Serena was flustered. She’s enraged by yet another insubordination. Hurt by the way her attempt at understanding Bernie had bitten her back and scared that her secret it’s been revealed. Did Bernie know? But how? She wanted to push her away, to hit her, to… She slapped her before her mind could travel that far.  
And only when her hand stung she realized what she had done.  
"Oh God, I’m sorry."  
But Bernie smiled, holding her cheek. "So, I hit too close to home, right?"  
Serena couldn’t answer, paralyzed by a storm of emotions. Bernie took her by her waist and swiftly turned her. Serena hit her back against the wall. "What are you…" Bernie kissed away the rest. Serena’s lips responded to the kiss before her mind had a chance to realize what was happening. When she finally caught up her shirt was unbuttoned and Bernie was biting her neck.  
"We shouldn’t do this."  
"I never do what i’m told."  
"I know, but.." Bernie pulled up her skirt, showing no respect for the fabric, and pushed her knee between Serena’s legs. "Oh God." Bernie was strong, even more than she had suspected. She put her hands on Bernie’s hips and slowly ran her finger under the scrubs. She was so soft. They both moaned at the touch.  
She liked it. She liked having Bernie all over her, her skin, her mouth, the way her teeth bit a little too deep. And she got scared. She started to fight it and fight Bernie with it.  
"Let me go. Bernie!"  
Bernie stopped and looked at her to see if she was serious. And when she saw that she was something crushed in her.  
Serena stroked her face and whispered more gently "Let me go, we have to stop."

Serena couldn’t sleep all night. She tossed and turned thinking how could she have hit a subordinate and then almost shagged her. Her. But it wasn’t the time to analyze every minutia. Every time she tried to put the blame on Bernie she took it back. She was older and even if Bernie was hardly a kid, she was her boss. And physical violence. Where did that come from? She has never been that kind of person, she abhorred violence. She successfully avoided the question about how much she liked what had happened next.

Bernie ran and ran till she couldn’t recognize the streets and then ran some more. She couldn’t breathe anymore, her mouth open and the air cold on her skin. She found a tree and leaned on it with one hand. The other covered her eyes, she was crying, her body shaking. Did I fuck it up? Did I fuck my whole life up?  
Marcus was waiting for her sitting at the table, dinner already cold. "I was about to give up. Where have you been?"  
"Take a wild guess." She pointed at her running clothes.  
"Well let’s eat, I’m starving."  
"I need to take a shower."  
"You can take it later, come here." He held out his hand and she took it reluctantly. "You’re freezing!"  
"I walked the last mile." Her legs hurt like hell and she sat slowly on the chair.  
Marcus put the pasta in her plate but she wasn’t hungry and she just moved the food around.  
"So, are you going to tell me what’s the matter?"  
"I.. I got suspended."  
"Again?" He stopped eating and put down his fork.  
"Yes, Marcus, again. I don’t want to talk about it."  
"But how is it possible. You only had one day in theatre."  
"I lost my temper."  
"God Bernie you have to learn to play nice."  
"Why don’t you put a fucking wig on and you go working there? I only took that stupid job because you insisted so much!"  
"What kind of marriage was with me here and you on the other side of the word?"  
"One that was working!" She stood up too quickly and the pain in her legs exploded again.  
"I didn’t hold a gun to your head. That was your decision too. You are the only one responsible for your actions!"  
Images of Serena flashed in her mind. The muffled sound she made hitting the wall, her voice asking her to stop.  
"I know Marcus. I’m tired, I’ll see you tomorrow." She made the steps thinking she deserved all the pain in the word and entered the guest room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the nice comments! They make me so very happy:)  
> And always thanks to my wonderful beta.

The next morning Serena found Bernie sitting by her office on the floor. She didn’t have her usual ponytail, her hair was recently washed but it was obvious that it hadn’t see a brush for quite sometime. Her head was leaning on her knees and she looked asleep. Serena couldn’t help but smiling warmly.  
"Hello," she murmured when she was closer, careful not to startle her.  
Bernie looked up and Serena’s heart missed a beat, she looked so innocent.  
"Good morning, I was waiting for you." Bernie said getting up. "I was hoping we could talk."  
"Sure, come in."  
Serena unlocked the door. Took off her coat and put her bag on the desk. She sat on the chair and gestured Bernie to do the same.  
"I wanted to apologize for what I did yesterday." She paused because Serena was staring at her intently. "In theatre. I shouldn’t have talked you back. And also after… I…" She breathed loudly trying to find the words but then settled for a simple "I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I don’t usually… impose myself like that… " Her palms were sweating and she couldn’t look at Serena anymore. "I just hope I didn’t.. hurt you.."  
“Enough." Serena held one hand up. As fun as it was watching Bernie squirm for once she couldn’t let her fall into a hole so deep. "You didn’t hurt anybody. I slapped you and it’s unforgivable."  
"No, I deserved it!"  
"No one deserves it, Bernie. And I can’t only hope that you can accept my apologies and let us have a new start. With no talking back and absolutely no slaps."  
"And no…"  
"What? Oh! Yes, yes none of that." Serena blushed. "Why would we… Of course not!" She had lost the upper hand and the sudden unbalance made her incapable to stop babbling. "That was… it wasn’t… Unrepeatable."  
"Of course." Bernie’s eyes were studying the floor but Serena could clearly see her smirk.  
"Glad we are on the same page."  
They remain silent, in the office only the noises from the ward.  
"You can go now, Bernie."  
"I’m waiting for my suspension. Yesterday you didn’t… we didn’t get to it."  
"Oh, yes. I’ve been thinking all night about that." Serena thought it didn’t sound right and added "The suspension, i mean."  
Bernie’s head fell down again trying and failing not to laugh.  
"I’ve decided that no punishment is needed. I hope you will take this opportunity to… Bernie I can see you laughing."  
"I’m sorry, I swear. I’m trying so hard to stop. This last twelve hours have been just awful. My brain, god, it just need to loose it up a bit."  
Serena couldn’t help but being affected by that laugh. Those brown eyes so bright with small tears threatening to fall down, she couldn’t resist, so she just gave in.  
They were both laughing and didn’t notice the small crowd that was gathering outside the window, staring at them in disbelief. 

The following few days Bernie was in a good mood. If asked she couldn’t have explained why. But nobody dared. Her colleagues were suspicious at first but then got used to this new Bernie. Even Marcus seemed more appreciative after she had had sex with him two times in a week. A record since they got married. She didn’t want to spoil things looking for a reason. She enjoyed too much how everything was suddenly smooth and easy. And if everything felt brighter and warmer every time she was with Serena, all the better. Right? Her boss had started giving her more operations, more complex and more often. And when they scrubbed in together they worked, truely, like they’ve never had done before. Once Bernie had let go of her ego she had felt the pleasure of sharing. Serena was the partner she didn’t know she needed, they shined in theatre. She was unmistakably better with her and she hoped Serena felt at least a little bit the same. She longed for Serena to feel the same.

Serena found herself more than once checking the clock to see how long till the next surgery. Now that Bernie was more cooperative she looked forward to their sessions in theatre. She was a quick learner and could often anticipate her thoughts. It made her hate paperwork even more. She could see Bernie smiling behind the light green mask. Her eyes gave away her excitement at any new skill learnt. Everything was perfect. Except it was too perfect. Serena’s natural distance from her subordinates was getting thin with Bernie. The morning coffee was becoming a routine. When their shift lined up Bernie would wait for her outside her office and they would chat about the surgeries planned for the day, or of the most recent discoveries Bernie had made during her evening runs through Holby, or Elinor’s last mischief. Bernie had slowly turned from a constant thorn in her side into a confident. Or a friend. Serena didn’t really considered herself an expert in friendship but she missed Bernie when she didn’t find her leaning on her door, balancing two cups in one hand.

"So why this abrupt change of attitude?” Serena asked, sipping coffee at her desk.  
Bernie was leaning on it, on Serena’s side. She was reading intently the folder her boss had just passed to her. Bernie looked surprised at her and wanted to deny it but found herself unable to lie to Serena.  
"I… I just couldn’t go on like that. I hit rock bottom and the only way was up."  
"What made you…" Bernie stared at her and realization hit her. "Oh."  
"Yeah."  
Morven knocked at the door and didn’t wait for an answer.  
"Miss Campbell…" But Serena and Bernie were still looking at each other. She cleared her throat. "Car crash, two injured."  
"Coming. Bernie, you too."  
They left the room and the implications of Bernie’s words in it.

Serena gave the less severe to Bernie and Morven while she took care of the other. After hours of surgery she had to let the man go. She had to talk to the family and that was always the worst part. Serena went back in her office, still wearing her scrub. She tried to focus on the work that was waiting for her on the desk but didn’t do much. Bernie bursted in the room smiling widely.  
"We made it! Seven hours but we made it!"  
She was so happy and Serena hated her for a moment.  
"You can’t come in here like that!" she barked. "With your silly happiness and stupid confessions! Go back to work!"  
The moment her words were out she regretted them. When she saw Bernie changing rapidly from surprise to hurt, the frustration that had made her talk like that suddenly shattered. Then the only thing that mattered in the world was touching Bernie, holding her, saying one thousand times how sorry she was.  
Serena stood up and followed her on the corridor. 

Bernie was desperately trying to hold back the tears. She could hear Serena calling her, people staring at them, but everything seemed confused except the need to hide. She ran to the locker room. Serena was right behind her and held the door while she was trying to close it.  
"It’s not a damn contest for God’s sake. Let me in!” Serena pushed with more intent and was finally inside.  
Bernie turned her back to her.  
"I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I lost a patient, I should be… I shouldn’t have let it affected me this much. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you." She took Bernie’s hand and pulled her enough to see her eyes. "I’m sorry."  
Bernie’s look was impenetrable, and Serena feared she was going back to her old self. She hugged her tightly whispering apologies and reassurances until Bernie hugged her back. They stayed like that, in the middle of the room, still, until Serena stepped back and Bernie’s arm felt empty and heavy.  
Serena studied her face, looking for the damage she had done but found nothing. Satisfied she brushed her lips on Bernie’s and went back to her office. Only there she realized what she had done. It had felt so natural, so normal. But it wasn’t and Bernie was still standing in the locker room gingerly touching her lips.

They didn’t talk about it. They pretended nothing had happened. After a couple of days Bernie and the coffee welcomed Serena again in the morning and life resumed its course. They just purposely avoided closeness, both painfully aware of every casual touch. But, because they were too busy maintaining physical distance, they couldn’t stop every other wall between them from tumbling down.  
Afternoon breaks at the cafeteria added to their morning routines. A cigarette on the roof after a particularly heavy surgery lead to a cup of tea after a stressful board meeting. When it was time to leave the hospital they were still chatting in the parking lot.  
"Come on girls, just get a room!" Fletch was passing by in his car and screamed from the window.  
They both blushed. He was joking, obviously, but…  
"Funny guy." Serena smiled nervously. "I’ll have your ass tomorrow!" She shouted back.  
Bernie laughed. "But he’s right, you know."  
Serena turned to stare at her like she had grown a second head.  
"I mean, we could go to the pub sometimes.” Bernie had hurried to explain herself but Serena’s clear relief hurt her a little anyway. "Or not. It was a bad idea, you surely have more interesting thing to.."  
"No, no. We should go." Serena didn’t want to break another rule and go out with her. But what she wanted more was to fix the frown she had caused. "Definitely go."

Bernie was waiting for her at the nurse station. She had her trench coat on one arm and the other was gesticulating fast while the small group around her was laughing for something she had said. She was wearing black skinny jeans and a white shirt a bit too large for her. Serena saw her from her office’s window. She felt a pull, strong and persistent, in her stomach. A kind of sadness pervaded her. She straightened up and put a smile on her face.  
"Hello soldier, I was under the impression you wanted to be my champion tonight?"  
"Of course milady." Bernie bowed and offered her arm.  
"Let’s leave these peasants to their dirty work then." They said their goodbyes and Serena tightened her grip. "I do hope you booked a chariot."  
"I only have a white horse."  
"Even better." 

Sitting in a corner booth of the pub Serena knew she had foolishly let her guard down. Once outside their comfort zone, they couldn’t hold on their Head of AAU and F2 status anymore and Serena could only face what laid beyond that with lots of Shiraz. Bernie had taken charge of beverages and she was coming back with a bottle and two glasses. Serena watched her bravely facing the crowd. Bernie seemed to glow in the thick air of the pub. Serena squeezed her eyes thinking why on earth she wasn't at home. She was unhappy there, yes, but her boring life looked so comfortable compared to Bernie’s storm.  
"God I had to use my navy seals skills to get this wine."  
Bernie sitting ungracefully next to her startled Serena out of her thoughts. "You were a navy seal?"  
"They’re american, Serena." Bernie replied offended.  
"Oh yes, yes! I hope that’s already open."  
Bernie filled Serena’s glass first but by the time she had filled hers Serena’s was empty again.  
"Are you challenging me? ‘Cause I can drink men double your size under the table."  
Serena felt a little light headed. "Oh girl. Poor girl. So pretty and so naive." She sighed. "Now keep that wine comin’."

The problem, Serena thought, was that Bernie was so easy to flirt with. And she had flirted a lot in the past thirty years so she could be a pretty good judge. Even now, slightly inebriated, she could tell that this one was a good match for her.

“I think that guy has been falling in love with you for the last thirty minutes. Not that I’m counting.” Serena couldn’t help but notice.  
“Oh so he is the recipient of your deadly looks. I was wondering.”  
“I’m not… well it’s annoying, isn’t it?”  
“Do you want me to tell him off?”  
“No. Bernie no…” But Bernie was already waving at him.  
The young man all but ran to them. “Hello ladies. How’s your night?”  
“Very good, thanks, but my girlfriend here would like you to stop staring. I personally didn’t even notice but I do mind if her attention is elsewhere. I think you can understand.”  
The grin plastered on the man’s face dissolved quickly. “Of course, I’m sorry if I bothered you.” He looked at Serena and winked. “You’re one lucky lady!”  
Serena smiled politely and waited for him to be gone to elbow Bernie’s side. “Are you insane?”  
Bernie laughed. “He was so nice! Oh my God I think I’m gonna call him back.”  
“Don’t you dare!” Serena took Bernie’s wrists to prevent her from waving again. But doing so they find themselves irremediably close. Bernie’s eyes fell on Serena’s lips and then up again. Serena could see a world of desire burning in them and whispered again “Don’t you dare.”

Once out of Albies they decided to take a walk before getting in the car.  
"Did you enjoy yourself?” Bernie asked.  
“Very much so.” Serena reassured her but then their hands touched briefly and she stepped away.  
“It’s ok.”  
“What?”  
“If you don’t want to… it’s ok. I understand.”  
They’d never talked about it Serena was unprepared. “Bernie…”  
“But being friends with you… it means so much to me. Just… don’t take it away.”  
Serena stopped and Bernie turned to her.  
“I won’t, Bernie. I won’t.” Serena saw a blonde lock on Bernie’s face and went to move it away. Bernie tilted her head and leant on Serena’s hand with her eyes closed before the woman could take it back.  
Bernie was gorgeous and peaceful and made her heart lurch. She could always make Serena feel everything in the space of a breath. She put her other hand on Bernie’s face. Bernie opened her eyes just in time to see Serena closing hers and kissing her. She wanted to kiss away all Bernie’s insecurities and then, when Bernie started to respond and took her in her arms, she wanted to take in all of her boldness. All her brightness and her darkness, her sweetness and hardness, all that Bernie had let her see, now, Serena was claiming it.  
Bernie pushed her in a dark alley. The wall was rough against her back but she didn’t care. Bernie was moving against her and that was all that mattered. She couldn’t stop pulling Bernie’s hair to make her go where she needed her the most but it was never enough. Serena’s hand fall down to Bernie’s ass and then down some more. She could feel how hot and wet Bernie was, how she moaned and trembled at every touch.  
“God Bernie I need you to…”  
“To what?” Bernie’s hand moved from her breast to her inner thigh caressing her lightly. “Tell me what you _need_ , Serena.” She was clearly enjoying the look of lust she had put in the other woman’s eyes.  
But Serena wasn’t going to beg. She stared intently at her. And slowly unbuttoned her slacks. All of Bernie’s playful bravado left her, she looked utterly mesmerized.  
Serena whispered in her ear. “Fuck me, Bernie.”  
Bernie’s breath hitched. She could feel Serena smiling on her skin.  
Then the phone rung. Bernie’s phone. She fumbled to get it out of her trench, and then tried to silencing it. But it was too late, Serena has seen the caller id, ‘the husband’, and the moment was irremediably ruined. Bernie looked desperately at her but Serena was Miss Campbell again, even while closing up her pants.  
“I have to go, sorry.”  
“Serena! Wait, please!” But Serena was gone.  
Left alone, Bernie threw her mobile away and hit the wall with her palm.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this story and please leave a comment because are the best part of my day. And if you want to come and say hello, I’m on Tumblr too: willowisacoolwitch.   
> Thanks to my beta TwoBeatsAtOne. I’m Italian so she has to be super patient with me:)

The ring had blasted their bubble and reality had crashed over Serena. Bernie’s husband, her own family and work, Serena had forget everything. She had let go of her life and it had been intoxicating. But now she was scared, scared of her weakness, of how easy it had been to give in. She drove for hours trying to calm down. Windows down, cold air freezing her face. 

The next day Bernie had the night shift and by the time she got to the hospital Serena had already left. The ward was quiet and at midnight she laid down in the on call room. She couldn’t sleep. So she took a piece of paper and a pen hoping to better understand what was happening in her life. But she wasn’t a writer, she was a doctor so she wrote down her symptoms.   
_attraction  
lesbian??  
Marcus??  
unhappy (me and him)  
fear (different kinds: change, losing my job, being rejected)_  
Her hand stopped. She had to be sure about the next one because it was life shattering and it could burn out whole planets.  
 _Love_  
She studied her list. One, two, infinite times but the cure, even if partial, was always the same.

Tuesday morning Bernie and Serena shared the first shift together since the night at the pub. Serena was addressing the staff. Bernie was leaning against the central desk not too close to her boss.  
“The inspectors are coming this afternoon so I expect an extra attention on every little details. I don’t want to see unmade beds or…”  
Blip!  
Serena looked around but everybody was still. “Unmade beds or…”  
Blip!  
This time Bernie reacted and took her damaged mobile out of her pocket. “I’m sorry, Miss Campbell.”  
Serena blushed profusely and lost her train of thought. “Unmade beds and…” But saying unmade beds got suddenly all another meaning and she lost her temper. “One should be able to turn off their phone for five minutes for God’s sake.” Bernie looked contrite.   
“Where was I?” Serena turned to Fletch who immediately straighten up and said “Unmade beds.”  
Serena rolled her eyes, she never stood a chance. “Well those and no empty drips. I want to see happy patients and caring staff.”  
She went on for a while and Bernie got lost in her own thoughts.

At lunch Bernie was sitting in the cafeteria with an untouched tray of food in front of her. She was looking at her phone but the glass was broken from where she had thrown it on the floor and she was quietly swearing and squinting her eyes.  
“Divorce lawyer Holby. Divorce?!” Morven had creeped behind her.  
“For fuck’s sake, lower your voice!” Bernie looked around holding her mobile to her chest but nobody seemed to have notice.  
“I’m sorry, Bernie. Can I sit here?”  
“If you must.”  
Morven moved the chair close to Bernie and whispered conspiratorially “Who’s getting a divorce. Details!”  
Bernie stared at her.   
“Oh!” Morven lost all the excitement. “I didn’t want to pry.”  
“I think you just did.”  
“Well, yes, but it’s fun gossip, though only when it happens to someone else. No, that came out wrong. But you know what I mean, right? I’m sorry Bernie. If there's anything I can do for you…”  
“Yes you can keep it to yourself. It will be out sooner or later but I’d like to tell Marcus first.”  
“You told me before him?”  
“I didn’t! You spied on me!”  
Morven smiled profusely and hugged her. “Oh Bernie I’ll keep your secret! My grumpy bear, I’ll always be here for you!”  
Bernie was trying to wiggle out of Morven’s arms. “How dare you!” But they were both laughing.  
Serena stepped in the room in time to see them wrestler playfully, the food precariously trembling on the table, and a stab of irrational jealousy hit her. She turned around not hungry anymore.

Serena knew she was being irrational. And it wasn’t her business anyway. Bernie wasn’t hers. Yet she couldn’t stop thinking about them. The way they were touching and how Bernie didn’t really seemed to mind. They were friends, Morven was probably the only friend Bernie had at the hospital. Except for Serena. But were they still friends? Their shifts hadn’t had coincided often lately. Bernie was working mostly at night and she couldn’t help but wonder if it was intentional. And every time they were at the hospital at the same time Bernie preferred Morven’s company. They were always whispering closely and Morven's hand seemed glued to Bernie’s arm. What else have they been doing? Serena’s mind was running wild, imagining kisses and lover’s touches. It made her feel nauseous. But Bernie wasn’t hers. She had never been and she never will be.

Morven had helped Bernie a lot. She even found a lawyer, an old friend from college. And more importantly she supported her while she was trying to find a way to tell Marcus. Bernie kept asking for night shifts so she could avoid facing her husband. If it had been difficult to make that choice it was even harder to act on it. But Morven had been so good to her and it was refreshing having a friend that was just that. No angst and no sexual frustration whatsoever.   
“Tonight. It’s settled. No turning back.”  
They were in the corridor, Bernie had stopped Morven and had taken a deep breath before making the announce.  
“Oh, finally. It will be painful but you need to move on. Call me anytime. And if the need occurs my couch is quite comfy. Come here.” Morven opened her arms and Bernie found herself in great need for a hug, a bit of welcomed encouragement.  
Serena turned the corner and saw them. She picked up her pace. “This is not high school! Can you both be professional? If you worked half the time you spend chitchatting like little girls maybe you’d be doctors one day. But I wouldn't held my hopes high. Now go back to work!” And she headed to her office leaving both speechless.  
Bernie looked at Morven that seemed about to cry.  
“It wasn’t you. You know that she hates me every other day. Please don’t be sad I don’t know how to handle sad people. If you had a dislocated shoulder I could… but sadness… I’m lost, please.”  
Morven sniffed. “You want to dislocate my shoulder?”  
“No, I.. no!”  
The girl squeezed affectionately her arm. “It’s ok Bernie. I’ll see you later. And good luck for tonight!”  
She watched Morven going back to the ward. Morven was so nice, she didn’t deserved to be caught between her and Serena’s mood. She could see Serena at her desk through the window and walked to her.  
“If you have a problem with me you can discuss it with me.”  
“My problem is distracted staff and I think I just told you that.”  
Bernie closed the door behind her and get to the desk.  
“We both know that wasn’t the problem. And Morven doesn’t have anything to do with it.”  
“Defending our girlfriend, are we? How chivalrous.”  
Bernie’s mind worked quickly to understand. “What are you talking about?”  
Serena stared defiantly at her.  
Bernie walked slowly around the table till she was hovering on Serena. “Are you out of your mind? She’s not my girlfriend. And if you only knew how hard I want to scream right now you would be shitting yourself.”  
“Bernie…” Serena was indeed a little scared by the flames in Bernie’s eyes.  
“You have no right to talk to me like that. Or Morven. You walked away from me. You don’t get to be jealous.”  
Bernie’s body was radiating raging heat and Serena felt trapped against her chair. “I..”  
“You what!?” Serena barked.  
“I want you out of my office.”  
Bernie leaned in to be at the same level of Serena’s eyes. “Where you always so petty? What was I thinking?”  
She walked out of the room, out of the ward, out of the hospital. She found her car to lean on and felt sick.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You’re all making me very happy with your comments! The title is from an old country song, Wilder than Her by Dar Williams. For some reasons I thought it was fitting for Bernie and Serena. This story won’t be very long, only a few chapters left, and I’ll try to update often. Tell me what you think of this chapter!  
> Thanks to TwoBeatsAtOne:)

A week had gone by and they had acted professionally and detached. In the ward everybody had noticed and asked Morven about it. But she was very serious about not gossiping, even if in this case she wouldn't have had anything to say anyway. Bernie had refused to even acknowledge the drastic change.  
The divorce was still pending. She couldn’t possibly handle both Marcus and Serena fighting her. She just needed to find her bearings again and then…  
“You’re late!”  
She still had her keys hanging from her hand. “For what?”  
Marcus appeared from the living room. “The dinner!” Bernie frowned. “The big do at my boss’s foundation. It’s in…” Marcus looked at the clock on the wall. “Thirty-five minutes. And your hair looks a mess!”  
“Thanks, darling.”  
“Always cute.” He kissed her cheek. “But in urgent need of a good brush. Come on it’s important for me.”  
“Alright.” She put down her purse. “But that tie is gonna blind people.”  
“See? I need you. Hurry now, please.”

The foundation hall was dimly lighted. There was a podium at the far end of the room and a few tables in front of it. Apart from a buffet, the rest of the room had been left empty so the guests could dance after the speeches were over. Bernie’s dress was long and black with narrow straps. The fabric falling smoothly on her body with a slit going up her right leg which was wide enough for her to walk comfortably. Her heels were red like her purse and made Bernie a good inch taller than Marcus.  
“How many people are going to bore us to death, exactly?”  
But her husband was otherwise preoccupied. “Oh there he is. I want to introduce you to my boss. Try to be nice.”  
That was totally uncalled for, thought Bernie.  
“Mr. Anderson, good evening. This is my wife, Bernie.”  
“Of course, the other promising doctor in the family!” He shook friendly Bernie’s hand. “This is… where has he gone?” He touched a man shoulder to make him turn around. “This is one of my closest friends, Edward Campbell.”  
Edward looked at Bernie and smiled. “Nice to meet you Miss…?” But Bernie had gone mute.  
A feminine voice saved her from the embarrassment. "Wolfe. Mrs Bernie Wolfe. Hello Bernie." Serena came closer and offered her hand to Marcus. "I’m Serena Campbell, your wife’s boss."  
"Of course! I’ll never get used to how small Holby can be. Very nice to meet you. Bernie always talk so much about you."  
"Does she?" Serena turned to look at the other woman but Bernie was staring at the floor. “Spare me no detail, dear.” She smiled conspiratorially.  
Marcus laughed. “Oh she can’t stop telling me how good you are in theatre, how much she enjoys spending time with you.”  
Serena licked her lips and smirked at Bernie. “Oh I bet that’s what she’s thinking even now. Am I right Bernie?”  
Bernie took Marcus’s arm. “Why don’t we get something to drink?”  
“Yes, Marcus, it’s so hot in here.” Serena tilted flirtatiously her head.  
Bernie glared at her and moved to the bar dragging his husband with her. Serena’s smile fell from her face. That act had costed her all of her strength and now she was exhausted.  
When they were far from prying ears Marcus protested. “What’s wrong with you, that was my boss!”  
“And Miss Campbell is mine.”  
“So? I thought you like the lady.”  
“I did, I do. But I see her everyday and I don’t want to…” She couldn't find a believable excuse so she hurriedly changed strategy. “I thought we could spend some time together. It’s been awhile since we had a night out of the house.” She felt ashamed for the lie but as she had predicted Marcus gladly took the bait.  
“You’re right. It seems ages since we spent some time together.” He put an arm around her waist and pulled her closer. Bernie could feel Serena’s eyes on them and had to force herself not to turn around.  
“Did I tell you how gorgeous you are tonight?” Marcus said giving her a glass of champagne.  
“No, you didn’t.”  
“Well, I’m an idiot. Please forgive me.”  
Bernie smiled nervously, the guilt eating her up. But Marcus mistook it for shyness and kissed lightly her lips. “You are the most beautiful woman in the room.” He smirked with satisfaction, like his job was done. Bernie wondered why men tended to misread how little care she had for her appearance for insecurity. And they inevitably felt the need to reassure her. As she had been waiting all her life for their precious opinion on her body to feel content with herself.  
“Will you dance with me later?” Marcus asked biting a canapé.  
Bernie nodded and used her thumb to take away a crumb from the corner of his mouth. She could never be anyone’s princess in distress but she didn’t want to be an unfaithful liar either. She had to talk to Marcus, no more procrastinating. 

Serena could see them, young and in love sharing kisses and champagne. So that’s what an earthquake felt like, she though. She found the back of a chair and held tight on it.  
"Serena are you ok? You look like a ghost." A glass of red wine had appeared in Edward’s hand.  
"I’m not. I haven’t been for a long time." She teared her eyes from Bernie and looked at him with a sad smirk. "But it’s nice of you to finally notice."  
He drank the wine. "Just… just don’t make a scene." With that he headed back to the bar.  
It wasn’t the jealousy that was killing her, it was the certainty of the end. What she and Bernie had shared was gone for ever. Whatever their lives might have become, whatever pain they might have caused to themselves or others, Serena knew she could have had her, that she could have had called Bernie hers in spite of everything. But she had been a coward and, Bernie had been right, petty. They should have had talked, they should have had stopped dancing between being lovers or friends because now they were neither.

The first speaker was stepping to the podium and the guests were taking their seats. Serena had to leave the chair to the old woman it belonged to. She ignored her husband’s call and went to the restroom. She turned on the cold water and put her wrists under the stream.  
The door opened and Serena saw Bernie’s image reflexed in the mirror.  
"Whatever game you’re playing at. Stop.” The younger woman was ready for a fight.  
"Bernie I…"  
"You looked like the fucking witch from Snow White back there. I don’t know why you hate me so much but.."  
"I don’t." Serena whispered. "I was…" But her head was spinning and she couldn’t find the right words. "I had never seen Marcus."  
"So?"  
Serena rolled her eyes and turned to face Bernie, careful not to lose her precarious balance. "Are you being naive on purpose? Because it doesn’t suit you.”  
Bernie looked away. “You always knew I was married.”  
“It’s… different.”  
Bernie waited but nothing more came. “I’ll go.”  
“Bernie!”  
“What?”  
“I just wanted you to know that..” Serena breathed deeply. “That I think we should move on. Forget about everything that had happened between us and find peace with it.” Bernie darted impatiently at the door and Serena whispered “But that if I could go back where we started I would be brave this time.”  
They stared at each for a long moment.  
“Serena, I…”  
A woman stepped into the bathroom and passed through them breaking their gaze. “Oh my God, one speech and I’m already half-asleep!” She whined disappearing in the first stall.  
“I’ll see you later.” Serena brushed Bernie’s arm and went back to the party. Her fingers tingling after the touch.

“You’re just in time.” Marcus stood up to move the chair for Bernie to sit on. “The guy up there was at that conference in Manchester, I think I told you about him. He’s great, you’ll love him!”  
Bernie didn’t hear a word of the man or any of the comments Marcus made. She found her glass and took a sip of the wine. She put it back on the table and started absently balancing it on one side making the glass rolling back and forward. What had just happened? What did Serena mean? She was going crazy, Serena was so close and Bernie couldn’t do anything. She turned to look at her. Serena’s gaze was fixed on the speaker but her eyes were puffy. She seemed so lonely. Bernie wanted to run to her, hold her and take away all the pain.  
“Shit!” Bernie had spilled the wine on the table and it was falling on her dress. She stood up abruptly and all the guests turned to her. The man on the podium stopped mid-sentence. She felt terribly uncomfortable and unconsciously searched for Serena. The woman smiled and nodded to encourage her. Bernie smiled back, grateful. “Sorry, a bit of a klutz. Don’t tell my patients!” Everybody laughed and the incident was quickly forgotten.

Edward and Serena left after the last speech while Bernie had promise Marcus a dance but “Just one, I have to work tomorrow.”  
“We’ll see. Come on wife.” Bernie flinched at the word but Marcus didn’t notice. He took her hand and lead her at the center of the room.  
He pulled her close. “You always smell so good.”  
“Thanks.” She answered distractedly.  
“You seem ten miles away. What’s the matter?”  
“I’m just tired Marcus. It’s been a long day and tomorrow will be as well.”  
“It’s that woman?”  
Bernie widened her eyes. “Who?”  
“Your boss. Is she giving you troubles at work?”  
“No, she’s… ok. I just need a good rest.” And she speeded up the pace.  
“You know that the man should lead.”  
“I always thought it should be the taller one.”  
“Funny, Bernie. Remember that those are just shoes, you’ll have to take them off sooner or later.”  
“Watch me.” They laughed but then Bernie had to hide her face on his shoulder to cover her guilt.

Two days later Serena was head deep in the half-yearly financial statements. Spending hours trying to make sense of all those numbers was painfully boring and she wanted to do it as quickly as possible. She was squinting her eyes trying to focus. But the growing sound of chatting coming from the ward was getting increasingly distracting.  
“What the hell!” She raised her head to see what was going on.  
“Who is it, Bernie? Who?” Marcus was screaming by the nurse station. Bernie was looking down, paralyzed.  
“No one Marcus, I told you. It’s just me…”  
“He’s here, right? You spend all your time here. Tell me his name.”  
“Please Marcus, calm down.”  
“Don’t tell me what to do!” He barked in her face.  
Fletch ran from behind the desk and put his arm between them. “Ok, ok. Maybe this is not the place, buddy. You’re scaring the patients.”  
“So it’s him? Are you shagging this asshole?”  
Fletch saw that Bernie was frozen, she could barely breathe and pushed her back to step in front of Marcus. “I’m not. But right now, boy I wish I were.” Marcus fist clenched.  
“Enough!” Serena’s voice boomed over in the ward. Everybody’s head turned to her except for Bernie’s. “Mr. Dunn I’m going to have to ask you to leave immediately.”  
Marcus looked at Bernie. “It’s not over, you understand me? I’ll give you hell.”  
“That’s it. Fletch call security.”  
“I’m leaving!” He turned to the exit and passing by the desk threw all the papers on the floor. “Sorry, buddy.”  
Fletch swore and started to clean up the chaos.  
“Alright. Everybody back to work.” Serena ordered. She walked to Bernie and squeezed her arm. “Hey.”  
Bernie jumped like Serena had just woken her up. “Sorry, I need…”  
“Sure.” Serena said softly.  
Bernie nodded and left. Serena watched her disappear on the the stairs. She wanted to follow her but probably wasn’t what Bernie needed right now.  
“Where is Morven?” she asked a nurse.  
“I think she’s finishing up in theatre 2.”  
“Can you send her to my office when she’s done?”

Half an hour later Morven knocked at her door.  
“Hi. I presume you’ve heard.” Serena told her.  
“Yes. I guess that prick didn’t take well the news.”  
“Bernie is…”Serena stopped in confusion. “What news?”  
“The divorce. I… thought it wasn’t a secret anymore. Please Miss Campbell don’t tell Bernie I told you!”  
“No, I… Of course I won’t.” She cleared her throat. “I called you because Bernie shouldn’t be alone. Maybe I’m overstepping here but I think she’s on the roof and if you…”  
Morven looked at her watch. “I have an operation at three o’clock.” She looked hopefully at Serena.  
“I’ll do it.”  
“Thank you Miss Campbell!” Morven ran out. “You’re an angel!”  
Serena would hardly consider herself an angel. She patted the half-yearly financial statements. They would have to wait.

Bernie was sitting on the floor leaning on the railing, a cigarette between her fingers. It was windy and more than a few locks had escaped her bun.  
“Here you are!” Morven smirked affectionately. “Do you want some company?”  
Bernie shrugged and the girl settled next to her.  
“You have three choice: stay in silence, talk shit about your husband or pick a random subject.”  
“Silence?”  
“That wasn’t really one of the choices, I put it in the mix just just to be polite.” Bernie didn’t say anything. Morven could tell that Bernie had been crying and got even angrier at Marcus. “That idiot, how dare he to come here! And accusing you of having an affair, he really… How could even think that you’d do something like that!”  
Bernie looked up to the sky and breathed deeply.  
“Right?” Morven insisted. “Bernie?”  
Bernie looked back at her. “What?”  
“Oh my God, he’s right!”  
“I’m not having an affair, Morven.”  
“But you did.” Morven studied her face. “Something happened, that’s why you’d let him treat you like that!”  
Bernie snorted. “And even if it was true? What? You wouldn’t be my friend anymore? Am I such an horrible person?”  
By now Morven knew that when Bernie was hurt she’d become aggressive. And she felt sorry for having pressured her like that. “You are my friend no matter what, Bernie.”  
“Good… I’m glad.” Bernie didn’t want to get too sentimental and changed topic. “Shouldn’t you be in theatre?”  
“Yes but Miss Campbell offered to go in my place. She was worried for you.”  
“Great.” Bernie mumbled.

Bernie was getting a divorce. Serena couldn’t stop brooding over it even hands deep in her patient’s abdomen. Lucky for him the operation was quite standard and Serena could easily manage doing two things at the time. She couldn’t bear the thought of having broken up a marriage. But maybe she was being pretentious. Bernie and she weren’t… whatever it was, it wasn’t anymore. Bernie and Marcus had seemed so in love at the party. The more she thought about it the more confused she was. The only thing she could be sure of was that Bernie didn’t want to spend the rest of her life with her husband and she had done what Serena was too cowardly to do, she had put an end to her unhappy marriage. Why she always felt a coward when she compared herself to Bernie? She sighed and started to suture.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve changed the rating for futures chapters, just to be safe. Thanks for liking this story, it means a lot to me. Especially because English is not my first language (thanks [TwoBeatsAtOne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoBeatsAtOne/pseuds/TwoBeatsAtOne)!). Come and say hi on Tumblr, guys: [willowisacoolwitch](http://willowisacoolwitch.tumblr.com/).

Bernie was lying on the bed, her arms and legs spread to the four corner. She was still wearing her scrubs, her hoodie was open and she was staring at the ceiling of her hotel room. She wasn’t supposed to bring her uniform home, there was a perfectly functional basket to leave them in, but she wasn’t home now, was she? She could hear the people in the next room talking, turning on and off the shower. She had nothing to do except waiting for her next shift. She had forgotten to take her running stuff when she had packed her bag. Marcus didn’t exactly gave her much time. The fight at the hospital was still on everybody’s lips after a week, but at least no-one had apparently believed Marcus’s accusations of her having an affair. The last thing she wanted was putting Serena on the spot. Serena. She had been polite with Bernie, almost nice. Bernie thought that maybe she should have told her something, apologize for Marcus’s behavior. She took her phone but then put it down again. She was so bored and boredom always leads to mistakes.  
“Fuck it.” She grabbed her phone. _‘Hi. I just realized that I haven’t said anything about the other day. I want to assure you that it won’t happen again and I’m sorry for bringing my private life onto the ward. B.’_  
Serena was cooking when her mobile rang. She read the text and couldn’t help a little smirk. _‘No worries. And I don’t think you did anything wrong.’_ She dwelled if adding something more. _‘Are you ok?_ ’ seemed innocuous enough.  
Bernie was still holding her iPhone. Was she ok? _‘Bit bored. But I guess I’m ok. And now that you make me think about it I’m starving. I think I’ll call for room service.’_ Should Bernie be polite and ask about Serena’s wellness back? _‘And you?’_  
Serena was turning off the hob under the pan. She cleaned her hands on her apron and read the message.  
_‘I’m about to eat filetto al pepe verde with funghi trifolati on the side, so I guess I’m feeling better than you.’_  
_‘Sounds delicious whatever it is. What is it?’_  
Serena sit alone at the table. Edward and Eleanor had other plans for the night. _‘It’s just fillet with a green pepper sauce and mushrooms with garlic and different spices. I learnt it in Italy a few years back. But it sounds better when you hear it in my perfect Italian accent.’_  
_‘I bet.’_ Where they flirting over mushrooms? Bernie wondered but pressed send anyway.

The texts started to became an habit. Two, three times a week they’d ask each other _‘How are you?’_ and then went on from there.  
One of those nights Serena was on the couch with Edward watching a football game. Her phone kept vibrating and her husband asked her annoyed “Who is it?”  
“A colleague.” Serena answered while writing Bernie back. They were talking about Bernie’s training in the military. A subject that Serena found particularly interesting.  
“Can you talk to him tomorrow?”  
“No, why?”  
“I can’t watch the game properly with that damn thing buzzing every five second.”  
“Thank God, for a moment there I thought you could be jealous.” Bernie was going into details about her uniform and Serena smirked.  
“Yes, sure.” Edward mumbled.  
Serena put down her phone and turned to him. “I’m sorry?”  
“What?”  
“Why would it be so strange for you to be jealous?”  
“Let’s just watch tv, ok?” He found the controller and turned up the volume.  
Serena stared at him. She had loved him once, then there had been years of indifference. But now she hated him, she hated him so much because she couldn’t bear to hate herself. “What am I doing here?” She murmured and he looked at her, puzzled.  
“But more importantly, what are _you_ doing here. This is my house!”  
“Serena what…”  
“I don’t love you, you don’t love me. What the hell are you doing here?”  
“Are you insane?”  
“Stand up! I said stand up!” She pulled him up from the couch. “You need to go. Now!”  
“I’m not going anywhere! You’re out of your mind!”  
“I have been all this years! With you drinking and shagging away every chance of happiness we ever had!”  
“You’re just a little sad old lady that isn’t getting any.”  
She took him by the collar and stared him in the eyes. “This is my house and you are not welcome anymore. Now, take your shit and leave.”  
She was deadly serious, enough to slightly scare Edward and made him step back. “Fine, but we both know you’ll be lost without me, anyway.” He took his wallet and the car keys. “And you will be calling me tomorrow, begging me to come back!”  
But he should had known by now that Serena never begged, she went to the door and closed it. She leant on it and covered her mouth. What have I done? But what hit her the most was how simple it had been. She had been putting it off for so long that it had appeared like an impossible task. But the light euphoria that had crept on her was cut short. What would she tell Eleanor?

“I was worried!” Bernie told her smiling the next day. “I thought I had put you to sleep with all my messages.”  
Serena had spent the rest of the night explaining herself to Eleanor and then a good part of the morning knocking at her door in vain. She had black circles under her eyes and was in line at the cafeteria for her third coffee.  
Bernie noticed her tired expression. “Are you alright?”  
“Yes, I’m sorry I didn’t answered but my battery died and I couldn't find my charger.”  
“Oh, ok. I’ll see you later then.” Bernie knew it was a lie but it wasn’t her place to push her.  
Serena spent the rest of the afternoon organizing the next three days of the ward. She had taken those days off to focus on Elinor and handle her husband’s move. At the end of her shift she stopped to buy some boxes and as soon as she got home she started packing Edward’s things. He was staying with a friend so she had to use the guest room as a temporary deposit. She wasn’t enjoying herself but she was sure she couldn’t count on Edward’s collaboration. Not on the separation and not with Elinor. She had immediately sided with her father and Serena feared he would use their daughter to hurt her.  
She was drinking a cup of tea standing in the middle of her living room, trying to decide what was Edward’s and what what was hers when her phone blipped.  
_‘I’ve heard of your vacation. I couldn’t believe you trusted us kids with your ward. Everything ok?’_  
She sighed. what could she tell Bernie? She didn’t want to tell anybody yet. But she didn’t want to lie again either. Elinor opened the front door and ran upstairs without a word. Serena put down her phone and followed her.  
“Elinor, please, open the door.”  
“No!”  
“You’ll have to talk to me sooner or later.”  
“Don’t be so sure, I’m gonna live with dad!”  
Serena leant tiredly on the wall. “He doesn’t even have a flat.”  
“Because you kicked him out! He told me how mean you were. How could you?”  
Serena wished he was still there so she could had strangled him. “We don’t love each other anymore. It happens. But we love you, I love you. That will never change.”  
Loud music covered her last words. 

After three days of packing and fighting she returned to the hospital with a sigh of relief. And the ward hadn’t exploded without her, she looked around satisfied. She saw Bernie and said hello.  
“You’re back.” Bernie stated flatly.  
“Yes. Ready to work. How’ve been things?”  
“We managed.” Bernie bit her lip. “I have a patient to take care of now.”  
“Everything ok?” Serena worried and then remember Bernie’s text. “I’m sorry if I didn’t answer…”  
“It’s ok, you were on vacation. With your family. I shouldn’t have intruded.”  
“No I…” But they were in the middle of the ward. What could she say?  
Bernie pointed at the folders in her hands. “I have to go, I’ll see you later.” 

The next Monday it was Morven’s birthday and the girl had opened a tab at Albie’s. Half AAU was there, Bernie had hung a ‘Happy birthday Maureen’ banner and then had correct the name with medical tape. But Morven had asked everybody to call her Maureen for the night. Bernie was sitting next to her with Fletch and a couple others nurses. Serena watched her from the bar. They were laughing and drinking and Serena thought how Bernie had changed in the last few months. Ric took the seat next to her.  
“Shiraz? Don’t you ever wonder how other wines taste? The thrill of novelty…”  
“I have enough thrill already, thank you very much.”  
Ric tilted his head. “What do you mean?”  
“Nothing I… I’m separating.” She sighed with content. “There, I said it."  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be. I’m not.”  
Ric held his glass up. “Then let’s toast to the beginning of new adventures.”  
Serena’s gaze darted to Bernie and then back to Rick. He smiled. “It appears you already know what’s up next.” He clicked Serena’s glass.  
“No, I…” Serena was blushing furiously. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”  
“Of course.” He mocked a serious nod. “Well, if you need any divorce advice, I’m your guy.”  
Serena gratefully followed the new subject. “I’m just worried for Elinor, she’s with him for the night and God only knows what he’s putting in her head.”

Bernie was happy. She was enjoying herself with her new friends and she didn’t have anyone at home checking her curfew. She could have fun, drink, laugh and not dancing. But Morven had other plans.  
“Spice girls!”  
“What?” Bernie asked perplexed.  
“You can’t say no to girl power.” Morven tried to pulled her out of her chair.  
“Oh I think I can.” Bernie grinned because the girl couldn’t move her of an inch and left her hand.  
“Alright. I didn’t want to go there but you make me. I invoke my rights as the birthday girl and I order you to unglue your arse from the chair and start shaking it on the dance floor.”  
Bernie looked at her. “I don’t even know who the Spice Girls are.” Morven was unimpressed. “Ok, ok I’ll do it. But no shaking anything!”  
“Yes!” Morven jumped with joy.

Ric had left after noticing a beautiful woman glaring at him. Serena was nursing her wine when she saw Bernie dancing in the middle of the pub. She could tell it wasn’t her favorite activity but that she was still having fun. When Morven made Bernie turn, their eyes met and it was too late for Serena to pretend. They stare at each other and Bernie’s expression became serious, almost sad. Was that the effect she had on Bernie? Was she sucking all the joy out of her? 

Bernie had felt Serena’s gaze since she had stepped in the pub and it was starting to bothering her. Serena had gone on vacation with her family without telling her and didn’t even answered her text. That’s not how you treat friends. That’s how you treat lovers. Serena wasn’t her lover and apparently even her friend. Was she being childish? Probably. If Morven had gone silent for three days she wouldn’t been hurt the same way. But Morven was dancing with her and not checking on Bernie’s every move from the bar like Serena had been doing all night. Bernie grabbed Fletch and decided to give Serena something worth to watch. She whispered to him. “Just bear with me, will you?” And started an all different kind of rhythm. She didn’t like to dance but that didn’t mean that she wasn’t good at it. She put her arms on Fletch’s neck and slide down on his body, then up again. People started to watch and whistle. Fletch's leg was between Bernie’s and she sensually moved on it. The nurse’s face was red after a couple of minutes. “Hey mate, I think you made your point.” Bernie followed his gaze and saw Serena retreating in the bathroom. She shrugged and smiled. “You just can’t keep up with me!”  
“True!”  
“It’s my birthday, you can’t have all the attention!” Morven whined.  
“I’m sorry but once you embrace the Girl Power, you can’t get enough of it.” 

When Serena came out of the bathroom everything in the pub was back to normal but she was still trying to balance lust and anger. She should be an expert by now, Bernie was an excellent coach in the matter. She asked the waiter for another glass.  
“Quite the show, uh?” Rick was coming from behind her.  
But Serena didn’t want to comment on Bernie. “Your lady?”  
“She’s thirsty.” He nodded to the bartender “A glass of white and a mojito.”  
“How is it going?”  
“Too soon to tell.” Rick shrugged. “But definitely better than for you.”  
“I don’t know…”  
“Yes, you don’t know what I’m talking about.” He interrupted her. “But if you knew I’d tell you to hurry. She’s not going to wait for you for ever.”  
“Ric!” Serena admonished him.  
“It was hypothetical.” He held his hands high in defense. His drinks were ready and he left Serena to her thoughts.

Bernie and Fletch escaped Morven‘s surveillance and went in the kitchen to retrieve the cake they had left there before. Together they placed and lit the candles, then Fletch went back to the main room to turn off the lights. When Bernie appeared everybody started singing ‘Happy Birthday’ except Serena. The twenty-eight little flames playing on Bernie’s features were hypnotic. Serena had never seen anyone so beautiful and she wanted Bernie like never before. Everyone else in the room was gone, their voices were gone. The air too. Serena couldn’t breathe, only drowning in her own desire.  
The light was on again and Serena’s senses were overwhelmed. Too bright, too many noises, smells and a taste in her mouth that wasn’t Bernie. 

Bernie saw Serena taking her things and leaving the pub in a hurry. She hadn’t even wished Morven a happy birthday.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, well, I’m a bit unsure about what I wrote (I’m always are but…). Please comment, it gives me so much joy and thanks to those that already did, I love you. No, seriously, I love you.  
> And thanks to TwoBeatsAtOne that’s already helping on my new story and it means so much to me.   
> Enjoy, I hope, this chapter.

A little after one o’clock the party was over. Bernie said her goodbyes and headed for the hotel. As she left her car in the hotel’s small parking lot, she looked up to the modern grey building. She needed to find the time to look for an apartment, and talk to her lawyer, and get her stuff from her old house. She sighed and went inside.  
“Room 205, please.”  
The receptionist handed her the key. “There’s someone waiting for you, Madame.”  
“Who?”  
The man pointed at the small sitting room next to the entrance where Serena was standing up from the couch. Bernie reached her. “What are you doing here? It’s late, are you ok?”  
“Yes I am, thank you.”  
“So, what do you want?”  
“I…”  
“How did you even know where to find me?”  
“It’s the closest hotel to the hospital.” Serena looked at the man at the reception that was obviously enjoying the exchange. “I just want to talk to you, I’ll try to be brief just… not here, please?”  
Bernie couldn’t help but feeling a bit stalked. And she was still annoyed by Serena’s behavior at the bar. But she said yes anyway. “I hope it won’t take long.” She passed by the man and told him pointing to Serena. “My aunt.”  
Once in the elevator Serena glared at her “Aunt?”  
“He’s a blabbermouth.”  
“Still.”  
“Next time you ambush me, I’ll upgrade you to cousin.”  
The door slid open and Bernie marched to her room. Inside there were piles of clothes, scrubs and shoes hiding the furniture. Bernie took off her coat and threw it in the vague direction of a now invisible chair. She gestured Serena to do the same.  
Bernie sit on the bed leaning back on her palms. “I’m all ears.”  
“I wanted to tell you something.” Serena was still by the door.  
“Here’s your chance.”  
“Yes. It’s been a difficult week and I wanted to tell you why.”  
“You don’t have to.” Bernie said coldly.  
“Can you please refrain from interrupt me?”  
“I can do what I want in my room.”  
“Why do you have to be so rude? Can’t you see how hard this is for me?”  
Bernie stood up and walked to her. “For you? What about me? Do you think it was easy knowing you were enjoying yourself with Edward? You keep shutting me off and on and off again! And now you are here in the middle of the night… Why the hell are you laughing?”  
“Oh God you thought…I need to sit down.”  
“Don’t!”  
Serena put her hand on Bernie’s shoulder. “I wasn’t enjoying myself with Edward, I was kicking him out of the house.” She paused. “Well that technically could be enjoying myself with… Never mind. And then I had to take care of Elinor who’s trying to making me crazy and all those boxes… Bernie?”  
“Mmm?” Bernie’s gaze was lost somewhere behind Serena.  
“Are you listening to me?”  
“Yes.” She went back sitting on the bed. Serena followed Bernie and waited next to her.  
Bernie didn’t want to get her hopes up hight only to be rejected again. She gingerly turned to Serena. “So, why are you here?”  
Serena tilted her head. “Don’t you know?” She reached for Bernie’s hair and put it behind her ear. “I want to be brave.”   
Serena tenderly kissed her lips. Once. Twice. Then Bernie slowly relaxed and kissed her back. Small kisses, like she didn’t want to burn herself, and then slowly deeper and more passionate, almost desperate.   
Serena began unbuttoning Bernie shirt and looked at her asking permission. Bernie nodded and Serena helped her out of her clothes. Bernie got up to take off her jeans. As she felt Serena’s eyes studying her, Bernie looked away. She had never felt self-conscious about her body but with Serena it was different, everything was.  
Serena stood up and caressed with reverence her shoulders, her breast, her stomach. “You’re perfect.”   
Bernie grinned nervously. “And you are still dressed.”   
“What are you gonna do about it?”   
“I’ll show you.” Bernie kissed her and worked on Serena’s clothes in record time. When she was done she pushed her ungracefully on the bed and Serena gasped. Bernie straddled her, slowly lowering herself down on Serena’s sex, grinding their hips together and taking Serena’s breath away.  
“I was worried we were getting too emotional to fuck.” Bernie told her slightly increasing her pace.  
Serena brushed her fingers up Bernie’s thighs and grabbed possessively her ass. “You swear too much.”  
Bernie smirked. “Is it going to get me suspended?”  
Serena’s answer went lost when Bernie took her breast in her mouth. She licked and sucked and bit until she felt Serena’s hand sliding between their bodies, reaching her sex. She lift herself a bit to make room for her.  
“Oh God.” Bernie was wet and soft and Serena wanted to taste her.  
“So good, Serena, so good.” Her hips were starting to buck erratically, her eyes were closed and her lips slightly parted. Serena thought that she had never seen anything more erotic.   
“Don’t come yet.”  
“But…” Bernie protested without stopping.  
Serena rolled Bernie on her back. “I asked you not to come yet.”  
Bernie licked her lips and tilted her head with a smug smile. “I was enjoying myself.”Serena kept her eyes on Bernie while she slid one finger between Bernie’s legs and then put it in her mouth. “I can tell.”  
Bernie kissed her and tasting herself in Serena’s mouth made everything suddenly real. She was with Serena, they were together. She kissed her harder, scared that she would ruin this perfect moment.   
Serena put her knee between Bernie’s legs to widen them, her hand was slowly going back down. “I want to be inside of you when I make you come.” Serena had wanted her so long and so much that her fingers trembled and she had to steady herself before pushing one inside. She stilled for a moment and looked at Bernie who smiled at her and nodded. She added another finger and begun moving. Bernie’s back arched and Serena gained confidence and speed.  
Bernie’s was moaning and reaching for her mouth to kiss her. Serena lose herself for a moment, overwhelmed.  
“Harder, you can’t hurt me.” Bernie panted. And Serena obliged.   
She flicked her thumb on Bernie’s clit and gained a “Yes!” So she kept doing it.  
“Are you going to come for me, Bernie?”  
“Yes, yes.”  
“Now, Bernie. Let me watch you.”  
Bernie came with a cry so loud that Serena had to kiss her not to wake up the whole floor.  
“I’m sorry.” Bernie was still breathing fast, small locks of hair were stuck on her red cheeks. “I’m usually more moderate with the screaming.”  
“I’ll take it as a compliment.”  
“Cheeky.”  
Serena held her till Bernie was calm again. “I had never…”  
“Me neither.”  
“Well not be immodest but I think it was a pretty nice first time.”  
“So, there will be more?” Bernie tried and fail to sound casual.  
“I hope so.”   
Bernie moved away from Serena’s arms. “I only asked because if it was a one time thing I wouldn’t have to bother to reciprocate.”  
“I’m sure that’s the reason. Yet, I don’t see you reciprocating. So, you can imagine my confusion.”  
“What’s so confusing?” Bernie bit softly Serena’s nipple. “This?” And the other, harder. “This?” Then turned her on the back and positioned herself between her legs. “Or maybe this?” She lowered her head on Serena’s sex and lick it.   
Serena jumped a little. “You always talk too much.”  
“I’ll use my mouth more wisely from now on.” Bernie promised before doing just that.

It was almost five o’clock in the morning and they were too tired to do more than lazy caresses but too excited to sleep. Serena’s head was on Bernie’s shoulder.   
“Do you think your clavicle was always meant to fit my temporal bone? Because it’s weirdly comfortable.”  
Bernie laughed. “I think it’s getting a bit too late for you to be still up, Miss Campbell.”  
“Are you referring to my perfectly fine age or to the fact that in two hours we have to be at work?”  
“I would never refer to a lady’s age.”  
“You called me aunt!”  
“That was like ten orgasms ago. I’m a changed person.” She kissed Serena’s head and lift her chin. “Do you want to change me some more?”   
Serena glared worriedly at her. “It was the military? Did they injected you with an excess of stamina?”  
“Maybe.” Bernie swiftly straddled her and pinned Serena’s hands over her head. “Are you displeased?”  
Serena’s eyes were blazing again. “Well, I won’t start a lawsuit anytime soon.”  
“Good.” Bernie leant down to kiss her when the phone rang. “It’s not mine!” She hurried to say.  
“I know.” Serena grumbled. “It must be the hospital. Free me, darling.”  
Bernie let her go enjoying the pet name.  
Serena finally found her phone in the chaos. “Yes? I’m sorry bad reception.” She moved to the window covering the microphone. “It’s a freaking minefield here.” Bernie shrugged. “Yes I can hear you now.” She paused and turned to Bernie. “The police?”


	7. Chapter 7

They were dressing in a hurry. Serena was out of her mind. Shouting against Edward, Elinor and herself.  
“She was meant to stay with her father tonight! Why didn’t that idiot call me when she didn’t come home? For God’s sake she’s only sixteen. I should have never trusted him with her. I should had stayed with her, I should have never left the house!”  
Bernie was buttoning up her shirt and flinched. “You shouldn’t have?”  
Serena was reaching under the bed and looked up to her. “You know what I meant… It’s not really the time to be fishing for affection, Bernie. Where the hell is my shoe!”  
“Here.” Bernie took it from the floor and held it in front of Serena.   
Serena stood up. “I’m sorry Bernie. But how can I explain to you what it feels to have the police calling you to say that their holding your daughter for drugs?” Hearing herself saying it out loud made it even more real. “Oh my God, Bernie, I’m an horrible, horrible mother.”   
Bernie tried to hug her but Serena stepped back. “I have to go.” She cleaned the tears on her face with the back of her hand. “Where are my keys?”  
“You can’t drive like this. Let me do this for you.” She grabbed Serena’s purse, not waiting for an answer.

They were sitting in the car in front of the police station.  
“What if it’s serious?” Serena murmured. “What if they’re gonna charge her? I should have brought a solicitor.”  
“Do you want to call Edward?” Bernie suggested.  
“No! He already did enough damage!”  
“Waiting won’t change anything, it’s only making you crazy.” Bernie got out of the car and went to open Serena’s door. She held her hand and Serena reluctantly took it. But left it after a few steps.  
They entered together into the station.  
“I’m here for Elinor Campbell. I got a call from a DC Morgan.”  
“Yes, I let him know you are here.”

They sit in silence until the arrival of a young policeman.  
“Hello, I’m DC Morgan.”  
“Miss Campbell. How’s my daughter?”  
“Well, she’s still quite high. We’re gonna keep her here until early afternoon.”  
“High?” Serena asked. “High on what?”   
“We think ecstasy and probably cannabis. We are still running her blood.”  
“I want to see her.” Serena demanded.  
“You can see her in a few hours.”  
“I’m her doctor!” Serena changed strategy.  
“You’re her mother, Miss Campbell.” The copper shook his head.  
She sighed in frustration and took Bernie’s elbow pushing her forward. “Miss Wolfe here is a doctor as well. We’re not going anywhere until we assess her condition!”  
He looked at his watch. “Listen, my boss is gonna be here in twenty minutes. I’m gonna give you five. But that’s it, alright?”  
Serena nodded and DC Morgan asked the cop at the desk to open the door leading to the holding cells.   
“You too.” He told Bernie that hadn’t moved. “You’re the doctor, right?”  
“Yes. Yes, that’s what I am.” She looked at Serena’s back disappearing behind a corner.

There were four individual cells with metal doors and a couple much bigger, one for men and the other for women, surrounded by bars. Elinor was laughing with a few older boys and a girl. The heavy makeup she had put on was smeared under her eyes, and there was a big run in her tights.   
“Campbell!” DC Morgan called her.  
Elinor turned around annoyed. “What?” When she saw Serena her eyes panicked but she quickly recovered. “Oh, look the mother is here.” She walked slowly to Serena.  
“How do you feel?” Serena asked and with her thumb opened Elinor’s eye. The pupil was dilated. The girl was sweating and her clothes smelled of beer.   
Elinor stepped back. “Don’t touch me!”  
“Why? You don’t want to ruin your reputation with your addict friends?”  
The boys booed but one of them silenced the others. “No, let her speak! The lady is turning me on, why don’t you come here and play doctor with me?”  
They all laughed and one pointed at Bernie. “Careful man, looks like her girlfriend is going to kill you!”  
“No need honey,” the boy blew a kiss to Bernie. “I love lesbians.”  
Elinor turned to him “Stop, you idiot, my mom is not a dyke!”  
“Elinor!” Serena yelled at her.  
“Alright. Time’s up.” DC Morgan took politely Serena’s arm and lead her out.

“That’s why I didn’t want you to go in there.” They were back at the desk. “I don’t think we’ll charge Elinor. She didn’t have anything on her. But one of the boys with her is a well known pusher. It’s not up to me to tell you what to do with your daughter but…”  
“Right, then don’t.” Serena stopped him.   
“Ok. Well, I’ll call you when you can come and get her.”

Outside Serena started searching frantically her coat and slacks’ pockets. “Where are they?” She arrived to the car and spilled the content of her purse on the hood. “I can’t find them, dammit.”  
Bernie reached her and held her hands still. “I drove here, remember? I have the keys.” She said softly.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” She moved away her hands. “Why?” She angrily pushed away Bernie. “Why did you let me look for them?” She pushed her harder and Bernie took her in her arms.  
“Let me go!” Serena protested and tried to free herself. But Bernie was holding her tight.  
“I won’t. Never.”  
“Please let me go.” Serena was crying. “Please. I’m a terrible person. Let me go.”  
“I won’t give up on you. And you cannot give up on Elinor. You will always be her mother, you can still help her. There is still so much to do, Serena.” She kissed her head and waited for the tears to pass.

Serena had to talk to the Edward, eventually. It was more of a shouting match right until they went to take Elinor home. They had decided that Edward would stay in the guest room for a few days. Elinor couldn’t be trusted to be left alone and they both had jobs. Serena suffered watching her daughter talk to her father and not to her. But at least she was talking, it had to do for the moment. She had booked an appointment with a counselor. Edward had said that those things never worked. Well, neither of their parenting strategies seemed to be working so maybe it was time to step out of his eighteenth century's mentality and embrace the new millennium.

For the first week she saw Bernie only at the hospital. Serena just hadn’t the time. She always had to run home to relieve Edward and stay with Elinor. Her attention was on her daughter and her patients, she could feel Bernie slipping from her orbit but didn’t know what to do.

Another week had passed by and Bernie was smoking on the roof, asking herself if taking a step back to give Serena the chance to solve her problems had been the right decision. She saw her every day and yet she seemed so far away.  
“Hello stranger.” Serena startled her. “Is this seat taken?” She pointed to the floor.  
Bernie shook her head and Serena sit next to her.  
“As uncomfortable as I remembered it. But the sight more than compensate for it.” Serena said looking at Bernie but without gaining any reaction. “Do you have a fag?”  
“Sorry, the last one.” Bernie passed it to Serena who took a drag and gave it back.  
“It’s been a while. I mean us, alone.”  
Bernie nodded staring in front of her.  
Serena studied her profile. Bernie was so beautiful, she always made her heart lurch. She wanted to kiss her but didn’t. “Elinor is not getting better.” Serena stated sadly. “We can’t keep up like this. We are acting like two cops more than parents. I’ve talked with her therapist.” Serena took Bernie’s chin and made her turn to her. “I’m leaving.”  
“What?”  
“I’m taking Elinor to Scotland. There’s a small village, north of Glasgow… We have relatives there. When the school will be over…”  
“How long?” Bernie said with a trembling voice.  
“The summer, probably.”  
“Three months?”  
“Yes. I talked to Hanssen, he said not to worry, that the ward will be well cared…”  
Bernie throw away the cigarette and stood up, incredulous. “Do you think I’m worrying about the ward?” She stepped away but Serena took her hand.  
“Bernie!”  
“I’m sorry, Serena. I’m being selfish, I know, but I can’t…” She pushed down her tears. “I have to go.”  
“No, please wait.” Serena reached her halfway to the door. “Bernie, stop!” She grabbed her arm and pulled. Bernie was crying. Serena held her. “Don’t please, don’t.” She kissed her cheeks, her forehead. “I didn’t want this. I’m so sorry.”  
“What? What you didn’t want?” Bernie whispered and then louder. “Me? Sleeping with me? Making me fall in love with you and then taking it back? Well, you can’t taking it back. It doesn’t work that way, Serena.”   
Serena watched her walk away, confused for a moment. Then she launched for the door and leant on it, blocking the passage. “Wait!”  
“Why?” Bernie shouted.  
“Because I love you too.”   
Bernie stopped, arms falling limp on her sides.   
“I love you Bernie, I always have. I would never leave you but I have no other choice. Please try and understand.” She took Bernie’s face between her hands. “Please.”  
Serena kissed her, Bernie’s lips still wet with tears. “Soldiers never cry, darling.” She whispered softly and kissed her again. Serena felt Bernie’s hands on her hips and up on her back. Bernie held her tight, slowly deepening the kiss.   
Serena loved her, Serena was leaving. Bernie kept thinking that, a swirling loop in her brain that was making her crazy. “I’m gonna miss you so much.” Bernie murmured against her neck, she pushed away Serena’s shirt and bit on her shoulder.   
Serena gasped. “Bernie, we are on the roof.”   
Bernie put her hands on the back of Serena’s thighs and picked her up, pushing her against the door. “Do I look like I care?”

 

They were sitting by the door, lying against each other. Serena was trying to stir the wrinkles on her shirt. Bernie nuzzled her nose on Serena’s cheek and murmured. “I don’t want us to fall apart.”   
Serena’s breath hitched and she looked at Bernie, desperately wanting to find a way to reassure her. But Bernie straightened up and mustered a smile. “You’re making it worst.” She nodded to Serena’s shirt.  
“I know.” Serena gave up. “We really need to stop fooling around in public places. Or there’s a kink you need to tell me about, Miss Wolfe?”  
“My mind was pure until I met you, Miss Campbell, I swear.” She smirked and then added, more serious. “I’ll have a flat when you’ll come back.”  
Serena took her hand and squeezed it. “I hope you’ll invite me there, sometimes.”  
Bernie brushed her lips on Serena’s. “I think I will, Miss Campbell, I think I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it. I hope you liked this last chapter. It’s not 100% the happy ending many of you asked for but it’s still full of hope for the future. I changed both their ages but I tried to stay as much as possible in canon. This story helped me a lot this summer, I hope you enjoyed the ride. Thanks and love to everybody that read this story, left kudos and comments. Let me know what you think guys.  
> And thanks to TwoBeatsAtOne, you took a chance on me and I hope I didn’t disappoint.


End file.
